cucumber's Diaryland Diary ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Parents kicking kids out, Dr. Dre, Writer's Block It's not 9:13. It's 10 something - my clock is broken. I almost typed "my cock is broken" - well I guess in a very real sense it is. Do I use dashes too much when I write - or is that part of my charm? I love dashes. My watch just beeped somewhere in my room so I will logically assume it is exactly Ten o'clock. I'm supposed to write a 20 minute film for my ISP. The treatment (outline, basically) was due today, but I am SHIT OUT OF IDEAS. I'm in such a hole lately, I can't write anything. I have six weeks left of school, and then I'm free to whatever I want. Like work 6 days a week and still only take home $300. Nikki, where can I get a better job? I am a good typist and very polite on the phone, but I don't really want to be a .. what's the damn word.. telemarketer. Yeah. I am not a phone whore. Well, I mean, I don't think I could call people and bug them. Them calling me and bugging me I could handle. Ugh, now my stomach hurts. I just ate a sub at Subway. 7 sandwiches with 6 grams of fat or less! Though not mine, probably. I had a twelve-inch veggie and cheese sub on Parmesan Oregano bread. Lettuce, tomatoes, green peppers and "extra" pickles. I decided to be wild today and instead of jsut the usual Italian sauce, I got Honey Mustard sauce too. WILD! I have decided to cut Coca-Cola out of my diet. I've switched to Diet Coke in an attempt to lose some weight. I remember when I did that last, I lost ten pounds. Ten pounds of Coke-weight! It's a horrible shame. I am such a fat cow sometimes it's disgusting. I could be really pretty if I lost.. 30 pounds? My thighs and stomach are flabby and nasty. I look fine naked, but when I put clothes on the material seems to accentuate my rolls. But does it really matter if I'm 30 pounds lighter? I wonder if that would truly do anything. Anna's 6 feet tall and only about 105 pounds. She's too skinny and I'm too fat, and neither of us is happy. Naz complains about being too fat, but she's much smaller than me, and Xenia thinks Naz has the perfect body and she's too fat herself. And Hannah says I'm hot and thought "Yeah, a new girl, she's so definitely bisexual," when she saw me. I think Kendra's the only girl in the group not concerned with her weight. Bryon, Marli, and Jay all got kicked out of their houses in the last few weeks. I don't understand how a parent can do that to their own son or daughter! You raise a person for 16 years, and then decide "fuck off, leave," without even giving them time to find a job or make sure they'll have some way to survive? Then these kids have to go to shelters and they take away beds from the kids who've run away from home because they were raped by their parents or abused? THOSE are the kids who need these beds. Kids with no choice. Bryon's parents are adults. Can they not act rationally? Even I'm not immature enough to kick someone out of my house, if I owned a house and had children, etc. I can see how wrong it is to throw away someone I love. Do they not love their children? My mom kicked me out when I was 14, yes. But she did so knowing I had a safe, loving home to go to, at my Father's place. She did not throw me into the street without bus fare in my pocket, and force me to go sleep in a park. Nor did she cut off all contact with me; she told me she loved me, and still wanted to see me often, we just couldn't live together (and this was a mutual decision) because we didn't get along over long periods of time. In conclusion, some people are so stupid I want to string them up by their fingers and flog them with a leather whip. I'm going to try to clean my room a little now. If I had a webcam, you'd be able to see just how filthy it is. Unfortunately, I haven't got a camera yet so you'll have to wait. Don't worry, when I get one it'll be just as messy. You should get the Dr. Dre mp3 "What's the Difference" - it's Rezo's favourite song right now, and it is SO gay: "I don't know if I ever told you this, but I love you dawg, I got your motherfucking' back. 9:13 p.m. - 2001-05-16 ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- |
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